Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I'm A Mother Lover! (Guest Post)




Every guy knows how nice it is to find a girl you like and spend some substantial time with her, instead of sifting through all the shifty women. 

It’s all about finding the right one, though...

The one who can hold a good conversation
The one who doesn’t cause much drama
The one who has a compatible personality
The one with similar goals 
And, of course, the one who has the looks to match her charm. 

Things can get difficult, though, when you find this woman, and she’s already in another situation. That’s right; I’m talking about dating a mother. 

A single woman with a baby is hardly single. A single person can go where they want, do what they want and be selfish all the time, if they so choose. A single mother, if she's a good mother, can only leave when they have someone they trust to care for their little one, can only do things that will set a good example and can never, ever be selfish. 
A lot of guys are apprehensive about being in a serious relationship with a single mother, and I can’t say they're wrong for it. The key thing to understand about dating a single mother is understanding that her and her child are a package deal. Being with her means being with her child. Not everyone is O.K. with that, so, honestly, if you’re one of those people, then don’t bother. By bringing yourself into a situation with a single mother that you don’t want to be in you’re only making her situation more stressful. Now, you wouldn't want do that, right? So, here are some clues that you might not be the one to date a mother:
  •       You don’t like kids. If you can’t cope with a temper tantrum or sit through an episode of Dora the Explorer, then you might have a problem being with a mom.
  •      You need to be first in your woman’s life. You’ll never be first. Ever. A woman’s child will, and should always, be # 1. If she doesn’t put her child first, you should reconsider being with her anyway.
  •  Partying and drinking is a constant part of your life. She’s not always going to be able to go out, and occasionally she’s going to want you to stay in with her. If the party lifestyle is where you want to be right now, then be there. Not with a single a mother.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to avoid being with a single mother. I know sometimes we’re worried about drama with the father, and worse, becoming the father figure before we’re ready; however, keep in mind that not every single mother is out to recruit a new daddy to replace a deadbeat. And keep in mind that not every active single father is an over-possessive nut job who’s going to try to fight you every time he stops by to pick his kid up. So don’t assume it’ll be hell. 
Sometimes mothers are the best women to date, if you want someone who’s mature and goal-oriented. They have a motivation most people don’t have. They’re responsible for a whole separate human being. They can’t afford to be trifling and they often behave with more maturity than other women their age, because a child can’t raise a child. Now, if you’re getting serious with a single mom, or you’re already with one (as I currently am) here are a few tips for you:
  •        Be open-minded. Don’t think you’re too cool for a visit to the Children’s Museum or the zoo. She’ll appreciate you spending time with her and her child and it will further your relationship.
  •       Bond with her child. Be nice, play games, enjoy their company and let them enjoy yours.
  •    Be conscious of her child. I, for one, swear like a sailor, but when I’m with my woman and her baby boy, I keep it under wraps.
  •    Remember that everyone a child spends time with has an influence on them. Be a good one.
  •       Know your place. Until you marry that woman, you’re not that child’s father. Don’t discipline the child unless you’re asked to and don’t take on responsibilities that aren’t yours. Let mommy play both roles, as she would as if you weren’t there, unless you both agree otherwise.
  •      Be patient and understanding. I know you’ll want to be intimate or spend some alone time with your woman, BUT if her child needs her attention and focus at any given time, then be OK with postponing if that's what is needed. Remember, that woman is all her child has . They need her more than you do.
Now, that’s not so tough, but it can be hard to remember these things when you’re dealing with the hardships that come from, simply, being in a relationship. With a child (the future) in the balance, things can be even more complicated. As long as you stay focused, stay cool headed and accept her and everything (and everyone) that comes along with her, your relationship will be as beautiful as you’d like it to be. 

--Antwan D.H.J 

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